My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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