I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
