She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
