butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I CAN MOONWALK!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
