I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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