She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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