Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
