I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Text me some of your sweat
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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