Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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