I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
