Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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