I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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