Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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