WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
