God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
