Christians are straight up FREAKS
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
