im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
