Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
