I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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