Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
