dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Sober January is a disaster.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
