So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
