dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
