Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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