We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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