that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I need to stop coming to work sober
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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