...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
