yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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