my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
