I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
