You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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