Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
