1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
