Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize