I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
