babies were throwing up all over the place
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
sarcasm needs its own font
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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