just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My ATM looks so different sober.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
