so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
