oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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