Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
