If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
