it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
