Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
