I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You are the jesus of drinking
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
