Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
