Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
