How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
and you fell through a lawn chair
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
