I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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