dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You're like the curious george of whores
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
