Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize