oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
