If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
