O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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