wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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