omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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