i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
