I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This is my gift to your gina
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
