I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
