apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
