Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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