I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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