I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
