I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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