i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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