So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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