Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize