You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Green mimosas i think yes
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
