my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
