I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
