Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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